Transformers 3 - Impressions

Well, I bit the bullet and went to see the third Transformers movie on Wednesday. Because I know that after the last movie lots of people have reservations about seeing this new one, I thought I would share some of my thoughts and impressions to help you make a decision.

Alrighty, let's get started. Why did I (should you?) go see this movie in the first place? Here's the breakdown.

2007: The first Transformers movie was a decent one. It had a simple, straight-forward story, some good voice-acting for Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen) and Megatron (Hugo Weaving), a hot as always Megan Fox, and arguably most important: giant robots shooting plasma cannons and beating the snot out of each other in what has become generally known as a Bayocalypse. There was much ridiculousity to the entire show but in general, it was a Michael Bay movie and you knew what you were getting into. I give Transformers 1 a thumbs up.

2009: By the time Transformers 2 came around I had been living in Japan for several months and would have done just about anything to get my fix for some visceral, gratuitous American action-fest. You can fault Transformers 2 for many things but on that front it delivered. The actions scenes (which some considered muddled in the first film) were clean and even more over-the-top. Megan Fox was so hot that I'm surprised the cameras didn't spontaneously combust during filming. It even made me crack-up a few times. Looking back though, could I have told you what the movie was about even right after I came out of the theater? I'm pretty sure it was about a giant robot fight. Yep.

The plot was...wait, was there a plot? The ridiculous Autobots with their crude jokes were taken to a whole new level of stupid in this movie. So if you were an original Transformers fan who saw the Autobots as a tight-knit team of intergalactic commandos who have been through hell, fighting for the survival of Cybertron, you probably hated this movie. Go play War for Cybertron. You'll have a much better time and won't be crying at the horrendous spectacle Michael Bay made of something that was near and dear to your heart. If, however, you are only interested in seeing massive robots who turn into cars leap through giant explosions whilst dual-wielding energon swords...this was probably right up your alley. I am disappointed that they didn't take Transformers 2 in a more true-to-form direction but I still enjoyed it for what it was.

2011: The inevitable Transformers 3 comes to theaters. At this point in my life, I was forced to realize two important facts: A) I am a poor-as-hell graduate student and B) 3D movies are stupid-expensive. So, here I am in a debate with myself. In one hand I have the promise of mechanical warriors laying waste to Chicago in an orgy of legendary action. In the other I have $13.50, enough to purchase a nearly unlimited supply of ramen noodles and hotdogs. It was a conundrum of the greatest magnitude. What finally decided my troubled mind? This:

The reason I went to see Transformers 3.

Yup. A billboard of Optimus Prime with what looks to be a high-tech gatling gun on one arm and a razor-sharp, super-heated sword on the other. That was all it took. Go ahead, call me shallow. But if that doesn't give you a nerdgasm go back to watching Lifetime.

So, after seeing it, here's what I thought. The movie for me was broken up into two parts. The first half of the movie was exposition. Introducing new characters, setting up the story, etc. The story, of course, had its flaws. Maybe that's an understatement. It was pretty damn ludicrous ("There's no way to get close enough. We're going to have to wingsuit in." lmfao). Don't get me started on the dark side of the moon business that made absolutely no sense. It was enough to carry the movie through to Part 2 though. The second half was what you really came for. Essentially an hour long epic battle scene set in the city of Chicago. And boy does it deliver.

I am not a fan of 3D in general. For me it's like motion controls in video games. Just a little to gimmicky and distracting for my taste. But there are some movies that make good use of it. Avatar is probably the best example but I thought Transformers 3 did a good job with the 3D, especially for the Chicago battle sequences.

One thing that left me truly disappointed was the new leading lady. It was recently revealed that Megan Fox was booted from the franchise because of a comment she made comparing Michael Bay to Hitler. Come on. Especially with the prevalence of Godwin's Law these days, I feel like Spielberg is just being pouty. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley was alright with her cute British accent but given that this is a Bay film and he promises me maximum sexuality, I just can't see this as an improvement. Laying Huntington-Whiteley and Fox side by side it makes me wonder who made this decision. In the word of Lewis Black: There are people that will argue with me on this and well... they're wrong.

Can you say downgrade?

There were some happy surprises as well though. Lester Speight (aka Terry Tate aka Private Augustus Cole) makes an appearance as one of the military grunts. I don't care what it is, if Lester is on screen, I am grinning.

"Sometimes it's about intimidation, you know. It's MIND GAMES."

Sentinal Prime, a long lost autobot was voice by Leonard Nimoy who, much like Lester Speight, never fails to disappoint. He even has some easter-egg Spock lines sprinkled into the dialog for good measure. It was a nice little shout-out to the trekkies in the audience. Also, he fights with a huge slab of double-bladed sword which is pretty badass.

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."

Finally, I will mention my favorite element of the movie and just one of the things I find so awesome about Transformers in general. When looking at these movies, it's hard to believe that all of this has come from a line of toys by Hasbro. Those toys got their own TV series and developed a detailed official canon. They are sentient mechanical beings from the far reaches of space, capable of intergalactic travel, yet they find themselves in a civil war for their survival. So with all that technology and advanced civilization, they are still a very humanized creation. They experience anger, jealously, betrayal and the need to fuck shit up with a battle-axe. That's right. Optimus Prime goes medieval on Decepticons with a god-damn energon battle-axe. And for that experience alone, you should go see this movie.

In closing, I will leave you with the trailer to whet your appetite for glorious Transformers action.